Parents: Are you being too invasive in your teens life?

Teenagers are a real challenge to raise. While many parents will tells you the "terrible twos" are a real hard time to get through, this pales in comparison to the teen years. Teenagers today have so many negative influences in their  life that it is very hard for a parent to know where to draw the line between protecting your child, and letting your child have some space and privacy.



Sometimes our best intentions can create far more negative outcomes than we can imagine. Teenagers are very resilient and should never be underestimated in how far they'll go to hide things from you. The question is, did you create a situation that prompted them to be this determined? If you are too protective, and too involved in your teen's private life you run the risk of creating just the opposite of what you really desire. Instead of making your teen feel like you really care and are looking out for their best interests, you will force them to seek privacy, and independence to a greater degree.

It is natural for a teenager to seek independence and privacy. They are becoming young adults and this is a natural progression in their development to seek space and privacy. While you can never turn a blind eye on their lives, as they age, you should strive to maintain a healthy distance from their social life. They need to experience some situations on their own. You can not protect them from every possible scenario. Let them know you are there for them and share personal experiences with them, but give them the space to come to you if they need to.

If your teenager isn't giving you reasons to distrust them, back off and let them grow. Do not read their emails, check their phones, or involve  yourself too much in their social interactions. This doesn't create a closer bond, but creates a high level of distrust between your teen and yourself. You can not force good behavior and trust by being a relentless snoop. All that your teenager will learn from this is to become more clever and resourceful at deceiving you. Many parents that spend this level of time snooping into their teens private life often have something lacking in their personal lives themselves.

If your teenager has given you little reason to invade their lives on every level, then you should show them that you respect their space. This is the best way to reward their good behavior. The end result is that your teen will feel they can freely share with you without having to hide every aspect of their life from you. It is natural for them the seek privacy and space from parents.  Wait until you have ample reason to snoop or become concerned. A change in behavior, poor grades, possible drug use, drinking and abusive activities may be good reasons to heighten your concerns, but these situations. Many will become more secretive and deceptive out of rebellion than an actual need to "hide" things from you. This happens when you go too far. In the meantime, work on your own personal happiness, and keep the lines of communication open. Your teen will appreciate your respect and in return they will work harder to keep it.