Image via WikipediaIs there anything worse than a spoiled child? Yes, a spoiled adult child, the end result. Lets face it, we all have the yearning to always give our children everything they need and want, but to do so well beyond the childhood years is ridiculous. Being a constant "go to" for all your child's problems turns you into a crutch, they never learn to walk with out. Come up with a plan-
Start teaching your children early on what you expect out of them. By the time your child is out of high school, they should have a plan in mind for life. Encourage them to discuss their plans with you. Offer suggestions, such as college, trade school, or they are going to have a full time job. If they seek higher education, via college or trade school and drop out before completing, teach them the err of their ways by insisting they pay back any money you spent to put them there. Make sure they understand what you expect by the time they reach adulthood. Life basically dictates further education, or work. Set limits on how long they have to come up with a plan, and also give them a deadline for how long they can remain in your home under your roof.
Let them know life is no free ride-
Make sure your kids are aware of your finances. A lot of parents don't really let their children know where the money goes in the day to day living expenses. Show your kids your monthly expenses and budgets, you are giving them an appreciation for just how much it costs to live the life they have. Pay stubs, bank statements and bills need to be shown to them. Once they see the responsibility and money involved in the lives you live, they will tend not to be so compelled to make demands on you financially. I believe it makes them appreciate what you have done for them and the effort that goes into providing for them.
Expect more- Many parents make things too easy for the young to either compensate for some guilt they feel while raising them. Young teens are driving brand new cars, have expensive computers and gaming systems. Setting them up for a life of easy gratification is a mistake. Instead on focusing on giving your children everything you never had, make an effort to give them what you did have. If you worked when you were young to pay for extras you should encourage and expect the same from your children. Once they obtain a drivers license they have the means to work at the very least part time. Expect them to pay for their gas, and insurance on the car. If they have payments on the car a job is a good way for them to pay for it. If they do not have a car, a job is a great way for them to start saving for one. Having a job and a car are privileges that can only be earned by good grades. Seeing grades falter is a indication that something needs to be sacrificed. Watch with a careful eye how your teen does and make sure their grades do not suffer at any rate.
Help them to help themselves-
It is ok to give help here and there, but when you start running into problems is when your kids come to expect it. A huge red flag is when you find yourself paying for an overdue bill more than once, or for careless mistakes they have made. This is going to start a revolving door if you aren't careful. Make sure they know any help you do give is a favor that is to be repaid, not an obligation as a parent. If you don't have them pay you back, you will start something you will not be able to stop. Guide them, raise them to be independent. Set them up in life to walk the road with out you as a convenient crutch to make everything work out for them. If you did your job right they will be, if not, you may all go down with the ship. Make sure they are prepared for the real world, and have a plan when they graduate that they have to stick to. In life there are no free rides, only free advice. If they learn it early, you have done them a huge favor and this is the tale of a successful parenting effort.
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