Skip to main content

Talking and connecting with your teen


Parenting is one of the single most rewarding, yet difficult jobs there are. When they are young, you spend your time teaching, and keeping them safe. As they grow and need you less, you find yourself somehow feeling a disconnect. Teen years are a painful mixture of emotions, hormones, and pressure. Bridging the gap between them and yourself is a challenge, but with determination and patience it can be done.
Reconnect with your inner teen- Think back to when you were a teenager. Remember how confusing, painful and fun it all was? Take a look through your high school yearbook. Remember the struggles, the tears and the laughter? Things may be a little different now with your kids, but those emotions are the same and we all had them. Tell your teen about your times, so they can relate to the person you was, when you were in their shoes.

Find a quiet place- Offer to take your teen out to eat. Order take out fare and go to a local park and make sure you turn off the cell phones. Ask them how things are at school. How are their friends? They may be slow to open up but eventually they come around. Start the conversation out with easy subjects like music, shopping, etc.
Take off your parent "hat"-  Sometimes, we get so caught up in what a "parent" should say, or do, we forget the person we are inside. Sometimes our teens need to see that we are just moving through life, day by day, just as they are. Talk to your teen on an adult level, get their feedback on adult things, politics, world events, things going on in the family. Share your thoughts with them. Your fears, worries, things you love. Let your teen see you as a person, not just an authority figure. They will be able to connect to you much better.
Share a secret or two- Sometimes the best way to gain your teens trust is by showing you trust them. Admit a few faults you have and ways you have made bad decisions. They will feel more at ease about opening up to you about things if they know you aren't so perfect either.
Positive input from you- Tell your teen a few really important things you admire in them. Acknowledge their skills or personality traits that are noteworthy. Try not to steal away from the compliments by saying they "got their good looks from you" or they got their talent from "dad". Let them own their good qualities. It doesn't matter who they got it from, they have it, and they need to know you admire it.
Use television as a tool-Take time to watch shows your teen likes. Ask them their thoughts on the show, or the situation. If they are watching mtv, find out why they love what they love. Don't be afraid to admit you like some of their music and television shows. I'm not saying take over their world, but just get in it every so often. Be that presence in their life. Share you opinions, your mind and your advice even if they don't think they want it. Life is a very uncertain thing, you may be gone tomorrow, and your words, may be the only reference your child has one day.
Related articles
Enhanced by Zemanta
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Recognizing personality disorders in your family: Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Image via Wikipedia Personality disorders are largely responsible for most of the relationship problems in families. Most all personality disorders stem from a long lineage of childhood abuse and/or neglect. Understanding some of the signs that are classic symptoms of personality disorders can be a way for loved ones to isolate the problems, and possibly seek treatment for them.  One such personality disorder is NPD, or Narcissistic Personality Disorder.  This list gives a run down of some of the traits associated with this specific disorder: A tendency to disregard or downplay other peoples trauma or feelings. Constantly shifting focus or conversation back on their personal experiences instead. A failure to validate other peoples feelings. A tendency to smother those around them, not because they “love” them so much, but because they need the reassurance for themselves. Addicted to the “feeling” of being loved, and constantly forcing situations and events that ...
4 comments
Read more

Finding ways to heal ourselves from emotional pain

All people suffer from the pain of life in varying ways. We often carry these pains of suffering around like emotional weights tied to our necks. In time the pain has to be alleviated and released. The release of pain in our hearts is best removed through the simple and random things we do for others in which we seek no return of gesture. A bird can never get far off the ground when it is carrying a load it can not bear..we humans are the same way..letting go of those things that hold us down, keep us from flying, moving and rising to be a better person is key to our healing.. Random and anonymous acts of kindness  There are many ways we can do these things to lighten the woes of our own scars. We can do kind things that are anonymous and with the intent to bring joy, love or benefit to another. We can tend to our gardens and plant trees for each milestone we cross in our lives. Giving of ourselves freely, brings joy, peace and nourishment to our souls. When this happen...
2 comments
Read more

Shifting your dependency off of others for your happiness

The Way to Happiness (Photo credit: Wikipedia ) Happiness is not a given in this lifetime. It is something that has to be sought after, and it is often the ways we seek our happiness that determine how long and how successful our end results will be. People with mood disorders, depression and other personality issues become dependent on many external contributions to elevate their mood and happiness. When pills aren't getting you where you want to be.. This truth is, we all build up a tolerance to pills in some way or another. So what do we do then? Take stock in all the external factors that have been in your life of late. Have they been stressful, unsure, and negative? These things will come and go in life so pills will only carry you so far.  It is a good idea to talk your family doctor to rule out other contributing problems that may be affecting your mood, including having a thorough blood work up done to rule out low levels of iron, B12 etc. Sometimes there is an ...
2 comments
Read more