Parenting is one of the single most rewarding, yet difficult jobs there are. When they are young, you spend your time teaching, and keeping them safe. As they grow and need you less, you find yourself somehow feeling a disconnect. Teen years are a painful mixture of emotions, hormones, and pressure. Bridging the gap between them and yourself is a challenge, but with determination and patience it can be done.
Reconnect with your inner teen- Think back to when you were a teenager. Remember how confusing, painful and fun it all was? Take a look through your high school yearbook. Remember the struggles, the tears and the laughter? Things may be a little different now with your kids, but those emotions are the same and we all had them. Tell your teen about your times, so they can relate to the person you was, when you were in their shoes.
Find a quiet place- Offer to take your teen out to eat. Order take out fare and go to a local park and make sure you turn off the cell phones. Ask them how things are at school. How are their friends? They may be slow to open up but eventually they come around. Start the conversation out with easy subjects like music, shopping, etc.
Take off your parent "hat"- Sometimes, we get so caught up in what a "parent" should say, or do, we forget the person we are inside. Sometimes our teens need to see that we are just moving through life, day by day, just as they are. Talk to your teen on an adult level, get their feedback on adult things, politics, world events, things going on in the family. Share your thoughts with them. Your fears, worries, things you love. Let your teen see you as a person, not just an authority figure. They will be able to connect to you much better.
Share a secret or two- Sometimes the best way to gain your teens trust is by showing you trust them. Admit a few faults you have and ways you have made bad decisions. They will feel more at ease about opening up to you about things if they know you aren't so perfect either.
Positive input from you- Tell your teen a few really important things you admire in them. Acknowledge their skills or personality traits that are noteworthy. Try not to steal away from the compliments by saying they "got their good looks from you" or they got their talent from "dad". Let them own their good qualities. It doesn't matter who they got it from, they have it, and they need to know you admire it.
Use television as a tool-Take time to watch shows your teen likes. Ask them their thoughts on the show, or the situation. If they are watching mtv, find out why they love what they love. Don't be afraid to admit you like some of their music and television shows. I'm not saying take over their world, but just get in it every so often. Be that presence in their life. Share you opinions, your mind and your advice even if they don't think they want it. Life is a very uncertain thing, you may be gone tomorrow, and your words, may be the only reference your child has one day.
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