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Discipline for your Children

Dawn Gagnon Photography ©2023

 If you come from a certain time period, you may well remember what "discipline" meant in your family. It typically meant corporal punishment which could involve the hand, a belt, or a switch from a tree outside. Parents from that time operated on the belief that you mustn't spoil the child by sparing the rod. While considered abuse by today's standards, it was a different time, and no one truly knows for sure whether those tactics were effective in a positive way or not. It really depends on who you ask. 

We can agree that the old way of discipline may be an extreme measure, and it was, however has the pendulum swung too far in the other direction? Children today see very little consequence for their actions, and often come from single parent homes. There are a lot of studies showing the damning long term effects of single parent homes. That is not to disparage single parent homes, as there are exceptions and plenty that managed successfully, but the data indicates there are better results from two parent homes.

Even well meaning parents from a younger generation may be confused about what healthy discipline looks like. At some point "time out" became the go to discipline for youngsters, and typically the idea was to place your child in a designated spot, for a certain period of time. Further guidance could be gleamed from helpful shows like "Super Nanny" whereas a child goes into time out one minute per every year of the child's age. A good starting point and certainly useful for first time parents, and a must watch. 

Here's some additional advice:

Do not discipline when you are angry. Decide the punishment after you calm down. You will no doubt be annoyed, but an angry parent is not only frightening to a child but may react in a way that far exceeds the deed. 

Keep discipline simple. Do not go overboard. Make sure your child knows the house rules. This may mean posting them up somewhere for all to see, so that you can remind them which rule they are breaking. Children are visual learners, even if they can not read, this will still give them a visual reminder.

Do not use tactics that involve physically subduing your child. This is abusive. Holding a child down against their will sets up a dangerous precedence for them in the future. They may develop psychological issues from it. The only restraining you should do is if they are aggressive towards you. Never use more force than necessary.

If there are two parents present tag out with the other parent. Sometimes you may need to cool down, and just let the other parent handle the punishment. Being "bad cop" all the time can create a rift between you and the child, and the child needs reassurance that you love them, even when they are acting up. Always being the disciplinarian is hard, especially in a single parent home. In this case, better to address the situation when both are calm and again reaffirm what the rules are.

Don't send mixed messages. Say what you mean, and mean what you say, while keeping the message simple. Long diatribes, and extended dialogue with the child means either you aren't confident in your reactions/decisions or you've already lost control of the situation.  

Always reassure your child that you love them and remember, children want to please their parent, but its a lot to figure out. Discipline means teaching. Remember that.

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