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Whether it is with your children, spouse or friends there are many things you can do as an individual to ruin a good thing like a lasting loving and healthy relationship with the people around you. We are all guilty of the things on the list from time to time, but too much a bad thing is just that..too much.
1. Using the “you owe me” line- Parents if you are using this with your children stop. There are only a few times a child owes their parents anything and they are the following: If you supported them financially or provided food, transportation and shelter beyond the age of 18 then yes, you deserve a big thank you and some credit for any success that came of your help. However, if you kid left home when they became of legal age, managed to take care of themselves and have asked very little of you, congratulations, you did what you were supposed to do and raised a responsible adult. Do they "owe" you for that? No, that was your job, and we don't get IOU's for doing that which we are legally and morally obligated to do.
2. It's all about me, me, me- Selfishness is an ugly trait. We all have to put in a little "good deed" time in life. You will never be a success as a spouse, parent or friend if you don't put in the face time and give of yourself on a regular basis. Think of all the people you dearly have loved in your life, odds are this person gave of themselves selflessly and without expectation, kept negative opinions and thoughts to themselves and tried to help others. Now think of people you have known that you didn't like, chances are they were selfish, thoughtless, showed very little tact or compassion for others. If you have been told by others that you are selfish or self centered, get over yourself and learn to be a better person. Being the center of the universe is a lonely place to be when you put yourself there.
3. Showing little or no appreciation- If you are the type that never says "Thank you" or "I appreciate it," then you will definitely be getting the stale fruitcake at Christmas. So who are the types that show little appreciation? Well see 1 and 2 of this list. Bingo! People like to know their efforts and kindness are appreciated. If you are one of the lame brains that likes to say "thank you" but " I would do the same for you..." ugh.. Keeping tabs on every thing you do versus everything someone does for you is like wearing a banner across your forehead that says, "I do things based on what others do for me, and I've probably never done a truly sincere act of appreciation or kindness in my life." Get ready to hear a lot of ringing and an answering machine when you call your friends and family.
4. Talking about yourself all the time or bragging- Change the channel already! There's a reason cable doesn't have an ALL ABOUT YOU channel, it's because no one wants to watch the "you" channel all the time let alone listen to it. If you want to be the worlds biggest bore extraordinaire, fine blab away, however you will have to accept the fact that you will be abandoned quickly in any group setting. If you are like number two in this article and think you are the center of the universe all the time, chances are you are used to being your own biggest fan. Remember people that talk about themselves and have little or no interest in what others have to say are a poor student in the world of knowledge. You will never learn as much from yourself as you can from others. Shut your yapper, and learn how to listen or, is it you're afraid, that if you shut up and listen long enough someone will tell you that you are a complete bore and full of it???
5. Continually put others down- Being an overly critical person almost always backfires, sure in the beginning you may get a few to agree with you about an observation you've made about someone, but over the long haul, you will lose your fan base. If you are dense enough to constantly put down your spouse, spouses family, or friends, even if you are right, its not your place to criticize and judge others. Hey here's an idea, point that finger at yourself some time and criticize you for a change. I'll start you off, "I am lame because I constantly criticize others..", OK now you can go from here...
6. Being a hypochondriac- It means you have every illness known to man, well at least in your mind you do. No one is a bigger buzz kill to be around like someone who wont shut up about this illness and that illness. OK so you have a corn on your toe, and your have an infection, or it hurts when you do (this) or whatever..OK we get it. You're not in the best shape. Well here's a news flash most of the people you're whining to have their own physical problems and here's a shock, they're probably legitimate and may be worse than your own. Realize that most people only say "how are you" for lack of a better greeting and so don't take it literally, most don't really want to know and even for the fraction that do, the condensed version please. If you don't stop yacking about your multitude of ailments, you're going to find yourself on the sofa at a party, while everyone else is somewhere else, eventually you wont be at anyone's party and the sofa you're on, is your own.
7. Always having a negative outlook- No one likes someone that has to constantly rain on a parade. "Mr. The Glass is Half Full" is not a joy to be around and always casting a dark shadow on any situation makes you a lonely guy. This is the guy that is all to happy to tell you how things can and will get worse. If you notice, this personality type always has the worst luck. I wonder if their negative energy isn't drawing bad things to them?
8. Lying all the time- Liars are a complicated breed of human. Whether they lie to make themselves look impressive, lie to make others look worse, or lie just out of boredom, it can cause real problems with loved ones. Never having those around you trust what you say will force people out of your life faster than a chronic case of halitosis. When someone loves you they have to have trust in your word. At the end of the day we are all only as good as our word. Oh and for what its worth, denial is lying's ugly cousin so get real with yourself. Seek out the truth, and be honest with yourself, it is the only way you will ever be able to be honest with others. This doesn't mean never use tact or it's OK to hurt people, we all have to practice in a little white lie crafting from time to time but lying about things that would be hurtful or important will end up bad and once you are a designated liar, there is little you can do to redeem yourself. One lie can be all it takes to permanently damage a relationship forever. Remember that.
9. Being overly needy- If you are a clingy, needy type person, you will no doubt find you have a very short list of people that actually want to be in your company. Overly needy people never seem to think they can do for themselves and in some cases a needy person has a hidden agenda. Do you have a friend of family member that you know instantly when they call they want or need something? Ugh..are you that person? Are you lonely and frustrated because no one picks up the phone when you call? Or you see them in public and they play the "I don't see you waving like an idiot and shouting my name" game. Loosen up your grip on people. People do NOT in general like to be smothered or hit up for favors all of the time. Whether you are emotionally needy, or literally needy and never do for yourself because you can get someone else do to it, stop that! You're sucking the life out of everyone faster than an open door on an airplane! Stop thinking you need so much from others, and start giving to others instead. Reverse the neediness polarity by shifting up your neediness in the form of giving. You will find that people love a giver much more than a taker, and with all things do in moderation. If you only give because you're expecting something in return, keep it. If you are a clingy boyfriend, girlfriend, friend or spouse, quit it! Give your other half some breathing room for crying out loud. Trust me when I tell you they don't want you in their face all the time.
This doesn't mean they don't love you, but spending too much time in someones face will only make them dream of freedom. Just like the dog that is tied to a chain all the time, the dog if given the chance will break free and leave. Whereas a dog that is given a yard to roam in, though still confined, is much happier and not trying to find a way out nearly as much. No one wants to be your everything, because with that burden, comes the responsibility of being nothing to themselves. Find a wide variety of interests that involve only YOU. Try new things that are separate from your family or partner. Have your own thing. If you don't know what your "own" thing is, keep trying different things until you do.
This doesn't mean they don't love you, but spending too much time in someones face will only make them dream of freedom. Just like the dog that is tied to a chain all the time, the dog if given the chance will break free and leave. Whereas a dog that is given a yard to roam in, though still confined, is much happier and not trying to find a way out nearly as much. No one wants to be your everything, because with that burden, comes the responsibility of being nothing to themselves. Find a wide variety of interests that involve only YOU. Try new things that are separate from your family or partner. Have your own thing. If you don't know what your "own" thing is, keep trying different things until you do.
10. Using guilt or being manipulative- Are you the type that keeps throwing up some indiscretion, or wrong from the past in your partner, friend, or family members face? Well I hate to break it to you, but you suck. If you claimed to have forgiven them for whatever it is you are throwing in their face, then drop it. If you haven't then you have no business being around them. It's that simple. If you find the need to keep doing this, you are probably trying to manipulate some sort of outcome in your favor with this person. Guess what, it won't work. What it will do is make that person resent the heck out of you. Forgive and move on and bury your arsenal of guilt ridden manipulative weaponry. You have no right to use these things to get your way in any situation if you have forgiven them. If you haven't forgiven them, consider leaving or therapy. Why? No one wants to pay for an error or mistake for the rest of their lives.
Another form of manipulation is by trying to out smart, out wit or trick someone without them knowing it or under the cloak of a hidden reason. Women do this a lot to men, and a man's instincts usually tell them something is amiss but they lack the depth of insights into the female brain to know exactly what she is after. That’s because men are programmed differently to solve problems not dissect the human psyche. Women learn to use all sorts of manipulative tactics either from their mothers, or from raising children. Yep, believe it or not, sometimes using reverse psychology and other tricks to get the truth out of you kids becomes a skill. Unfortunately we find ourselves sometimes doing it to our partners. Well this is unnerving, stop it. Be blunt and to the point if a man has to spend all his time figuring what your hidden point is, or agenda is, he'll give up and just start not trusting you. He can't help it, his instincts will flag it. In some cases this is done just for the fun of it, to toy with someone, or to get a pleasure out of feeling superior. What a turn off this is. It's not cute, it's not sexy, and it won't yield any beneficial results.
Another form of manipulation is by trying to out smart, out wit or trick someone without them knowing it or under the cloak of a hidden reason. Women do this a lot to men, and a man's instincts usually tell them something is amiss but they lack the depth of insights into the female brain to know exactly what she is after. That’s because men are programmed differently to solve problems not dissect the human psyche. Women learn to use all sorts of manipulative tactics either from their mothers, or from raising children. Yep, believe it or not, sometimes using reverse psychology and other tricks to get the truth out of you kids becomes a skill. Unfortunately we find ourselves sometimes doing it to our partners. Well this is unnerving, stop it. Be blunt and to the point if a man has to spend all his time figuring what your hidden point is, or agenda is, he'll give up and just start not trusting you. He can't help it, his instincts will flag it. In some cases this is done just for the fun of it, to toy with someone, or to get a pleasure out of feeling superior. What a turn off this is. It's not cute, it's not sexy, and it won't yield any beneficial results.
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