Image by Swamibu via FlickrSo many times in life we are victims. Either of circumstances or a bad childhood. Though we have no control often when bad things occur, we can always use the experience as a tool to become stronger and happier. A big part of finding happiness for yourself is by creating happiness for others. The recent crisis going on in Haiti is a great way to teach your children about how to feel good about themselves through helping others. Encourage discussions about how to help others. The best way to overcome the trials and tribulations of life is to go through the motions, and find a way to offset the negative energy it can leave with a positive act to counter it. It isn't always easy, when you are down to want to reach out to others and make life easier for them, but in time the rewards will become more and more apparent. Getting through harsh lessons is a learning process.
Have Your Moment- Cry, scream, kick, punch a pillow. Release your pain and frustration. Grant yourself the emotions you are feeling. Life is full of unfairness, cruelty, pain, grief and despair. Failing to give yourself the right to express and expel the pain is self destruction at it's finest. However, at some point, it is crucial to move beyond this moment and heal. Do not let these times in life, be a perpetual crutch for unhappiness. Learn the lessons hidden behind the experience. You are initially blind to them because you are reacting to the emotional trauma. Once you have allowed yourself that "moment" or many moments perhaps..It is time to learn from the lessons hidden in the experience or act. Rest assured there is one. Recover, and resume. Offset the negative impact of any situation by finding a positive counter to it. What can the positive counter to it be? Ask yourself if this moment, circumstance, has impacted those around you. Think outside of yourself. Did someone share your burden, witness your grief, console you? If so, its time to heal. Do something nice for others. Start with those around you. Yes, I know you may want to continue to bathe in the negative feelings you are having but the only true way to fight back is through doing good for others, and in turn healing yourself in the process. Doubt me? Try it first. Your heart heals when you chose to become a source of light to someone else. Even small gestures matter. Give of yourself. Shift the negative attention to a positive reaction.
Quit Being Selfish-Sometimes, as a by product of being unhappy with our lives we immerse ourselves in self pity. Once we are consumed with self pity, we become more selfish in general. When we aren't crying, we are looking for a shoulder to cry on. Sometimes with little regard for the feelings and struggles of the person we set our sites on. Before you decide to dump your woes on someone, stop and ask,.."How are you?". and MEAN it! Do not use this question as a selfish segue to a hidden motive on your part to start dumping your woes on them. It's selfish and insincere to say the least. Be patient and genuine. Do not rush them through just so you can get to the real reason you called or approached them, so you could unload on them. If they are also going through a difficult time, offer to help them. Listen long and hard and try to hear what they aren't saying as well as what they are saying. Offer solutions, prayers, advice, help. You never know when you target someone shoulder to cry on, how much they may be going through themselves. Don't get so caught up in your own misery that you are blind and deaf to others. Perhaps this person is dealing with far more than you are. Become a part of their healing. Be the shoulder you want to cry on. Give, and give freely. Once you heal others, you by default heal yourself. Try it.
Ponder the Deeper Lessons- Every bad situation is riddled with hidden deep messages, meanings and lessons. Find the strength inside yourself to look for these. I believe they are purposely presented to us just for this reason alone. To teach us a valuable lesson we would never have learned otherwise. Ask yourself how this negative experience can be used to better your life, or the lives of someone else? There are always options for how to deal with any given circumstance. Options on what circumstances are presented may be limited, however, options to how we chose to handle it are aplenty, given you take the time to find them. Most negative and positive experiences we go through in life offer unique opportunities for personal growth. Mentally, emotionally, spiritually, as if you were being fined tuned for a higher purpose. I believe you are. Failing to find the lessons in life's challenges, will condemn you to keep being presented with more challenges, each harder than the previous. Life has a way of continuing to throw you curve balls until you learn to catch them. Each time you fail, the ball gets faster, and harder as does the lesson it carries with it. With all situations, you have a shovel in your hands. Some will use the shovel to dig their way out, some will use the shovel to bury themselves, and some, will use the shovel to help someone else dig their way out of something. What will you do with your shovel? Happiness, comes when we help others. Give Freely.
Random Acts Of Kindness- Do you have enemies? Family members perhaps, co- workers that just don't like you? Are there people that you come into contact with occasionally or everyday that there is bad blood between you? How will you counteract the damage and negativity that they spread? Will you become part of the problem? Such negatives in your life can either spread like a wild fire, or you can diffuse the problems with random, small acts of kindness. Granted, it may not be your fault that this person, or that family member doesn't like you, but will you chose to indulge in the strife and drama? Take small steps that are positive. Build bridges, mend hearts, find ways to reach that person on a personal level. It doesn't have to be grand insincere gestures, it can be a small act of kindness. Negative energy seems to thrive on weak and selfish people. Ever known someone that has the same issues, the same problems now, that they had ten years ago? The story never changes? You have to break the cycle in your life. You can keep riding that same train to nowhere, or you can get off at the next stop and take a different direction. A small compliment, a little gift, even a smile, here and there, can slowly change the dynamics in a caustic relationship. Take the high road. If nothing works and all has failed, you can rest assured that you made attempts to reverse the situation. A clear conscience is worth a lot here.
Tomorrow is Another Day- Always anticipate better days ahead. Envision, and focus your energy on this idea and make it happen. Do not waste hours, days, weeks or months of your life lamenting over yesterday. Forget the "could'ves" "should'ves" and "would'ves" of the past. Remove them from your mental vocabulary. Are you feeling used? Taken advantage of? Unappreciated? Sometimes, this isn't a condition of your acts of kindness, but a symptom brought on by giving, with expectations. Giving, in expectation of a return of some shape or fashion. Giving with strings attached. Remember, when possible, please give freely or don't give at all. Generosity is not genuine when you give with the hopes of receiving in return. The only return of true and lasting value is the feeling you have gotten from the act of giving. If you feel regret, you should not have helped at all. Remember it isn't wrong to deny help to others sometimes. Sometimes denying help is the hardest and most loving, generous thing you can do for that individual. If you find yourself in such a situation, it is better to deny with good reason, than to give and resent. At least you are being genuine, true to yourself, and sincere. If you chose to give, knowing full well it will not be a solution of any value but a temporary band aid, then give freely and think no more of it. If all you will do is resent and dislike who you are for doing it, you have caused more damage than good. A high price to pay If you ask me. Give freely, if not at all. Try to reverse your negative ways, find the positives in every situation and be of some service to others. You will find in the long run you are a happier person, filled with blessings and love will come to you tenfold for all your selflessness. Lifelong friends, warm family memories will be the only rewards you care about when life finally heads down that final path. Cast the seeds of love and kindness outward, and never look back. Life comes full circle, you reap what you sew and will one day return to walk through the garden you grew along the way....If you did it right, happiness will be in full bloom.
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