The Real Deal Family and Relationship Guide

Pain (Photo credit: Michelle Brea ) You know, I can't think of anything more damaging than when we let past pain, past bad memories, and past relationships invade our present. What does this truly mean in the deepest sense? You're making a choice to let something bad and negative have a place in your life long after the fact. Whats the benefit to this? Well, maybe you're gaining something from keeping these painful life events in your present. Maybe you're securing long term sympathy, or using your past as a way to manipulate others that care for you to make your life now better? There's many reasons behind it, the real challenge is when you take an honest look at why you're continuing to let past pain invade your life. You wouldn't let past diseases come back if you could stop them would you? Letting go What is the fear in letting go of bad things? What's to be gained from holding on? Consider this... Most people have painful pasts. Most people h

Image via Wikipedia There are many issues that can arise in a family around finances . Many people that find themselves embedded in financial problems simply don't take a visual approach to their debt. Financial success is a strategy. Not only is it a strategy but it requires flexibility, because life can change without notice. You have to be able to change with it and that calls for reassessments.  Occasionally a couple may find they can't seem to agree on the household finances because neither take a real look at the numbers involved with keeping a family functioning. Having a written visual aid puts much into perspective and a budget is a must. If you are in a financial crunch this can weigh heavily on your relationship. The only way to improve things is to tackle finances head on. Here's a few tips: A visual representation of your finances speaks volumes. Being able to see exactly where your money is going on a monthly basis is the best way to start gaining contro

Image via Wikipedia We all know the New Year is right around the corner and many of us will make resolutions that we know good and well we can't keep. The key to making resolutions successful in the New Year are to make reasonable goals for yourself. Here are a few resolution suggestions that may be worthwhile. Commit to improved health- Lets face it, another year comes and this means you're going to be a year older at some point in the new year. Health has a way of turning on a dime and making a commitment to improve your health is always a good idea. Start off small, gain control and expand as you go. Whether it is changing up your diet, or exercising more, or getting a check up with your doctor, do it. Don't think big goals that are unrealistic, think small goals that can be achieved. Better to have small success, than big failure. Let go of the past- If you truly want to be a happier person, part of your endeavor for the new year may be to let go of thi

Image by thorinside via Flick Manipulating people with guilt, shame or emotionally is a surefire way to build an explosive reaction in the future. There are many forms of manipulation and they all have the ability to backfire in ways that can destroy a relationship permanently. In some cases, a manipulator even uses their own misfortune as a way to conjure up pity and help from someone, usually a spouse, friend or family member. If you live in South Carolina and you find you are manipulative, or others have accused you of this, you may want to seek some help to get at the root of your problem, see: Psychiatrist Today in SC for help. Are you the type that keeps throwing up some indiscretion, or wrong from the past in your partner, friend, or family members face? Well I hate to break it to you, but you suck. If you claimed to have forgiven them for whatever it is you are throwing in their face, then drop it. If you haven't then you have no business being around them. It's tha

Image via Wikipedia There are events in life that can traumatize a person to a degree that they become ill from the event. Experiencing multiple traumatic events over a series of days, weeks, months and years can lead to a disorder called Post Traumatic Stress Disorder or PTSD. How each person copes with trauma may vary greatly. Symptoms of PTSD are as follows : Flashbacks, where the event seems to be happening again and again Reliving the memory or event to the point it interferes with day to day life Distressing memories of the event Repeated dreams of the event Having a physical reaction to situations that remind you of the traumatic event Emotional "numbing," often used as a defense mechanism to protect oneself Feelings of detachment Inability to remember important aspects of the trauma or blocking out Lack of interest in normal activities Moods that are flat and expressionless Avoiding places, people, or objects that remind you of the trauma. S

Image via Wikipedia Personality disorders are largely responsible for most of the relationship problems in families. Most all personality disorders stem from a long lineage of childhood abuse and/or neglect. Understanding some of the signs that are classic symptoms of personality disorders can be a way for loved ones to isolate the problems, and possibly seek treatment for them.  One such personality disorder is NPD, or Narcissistic Personality Disorder.  This list gives a run down of some of the traits associated with this specific disorder: A tendency to disregard or downplay other peoples trauma or feelings. Constantly shifting focus or conversation back on their personal experiences instead. A failure to validate other peoples feelings. A tendency to smother those around them, not because they “love” them so much, but because they need the reassurance for themselves. Addicted to the “feeling” of being loved, and constantly forcing situations and events that are nega

Image via Wikipedia Whether it is with your children, spouse or friends there are many things you can do as an individual to ruin a good thing like a lasting loving and healthy relationship with the people around you. We are all guilty of the things on the list from time to time, but too much a bad thing is just that..too much. 1. Using the “you owe me” line- Parents if you are using this with your children stop. There are only a few times a child owes their parents anything and they are the following: If you supported them financially or provided food, transportation and shelter beyond the age of 18 then yes, you deserve a big thank you and some credit for any success that came of your help. However, if you kid left home when they became of legal age, managed to take care of themselves and have asked very little of you, congratulations, you did what you were supposed to do and raised a responsible adult. Do they "owe" you for that? No, that was your job, and we