Image via WikipediaI don't care whether you go to all your kids baseball games, volunteer to go on every field trip or let your kids and their friends have parties at your house. You will never be a "cool" parent. Well, not cool in their eyes. So if your motivation behind everything you do is for that title, you are wasting your time.Children have a code in their DNA, that will not allow for you to be acknowledged as anything other than someone they must put up with. In their case, DNA means Do not allow. They will not allow us to be so cool and while we are trying to very hard to be the cool parent they will inevitably do something to make us change our hat and have to be the authority figure we are supposed to be. Forever, we as parents are losing "cool points".
No matter what your definition of "cool" is, it will not be theirs. In fact most acts we deem as "cool" are really considered embarrassing to your kids. Doubt me? Pick up your kids from school in your Mustang with Van Halen playing loudly while donning a pair of shades..now, in your mind you envision your child there with all their friends smiling and nudging each other at your awesome coolness..in reality....not so much..oh you get looks alright, indifference, and the "death stare" from your kid.
So what can you do become cool in your kids eyes? Not much. You can however, and should however at all times be yourself. Be real, don't follow ideals set forth by your definitions, or anyone else. Kids are smart, shrewd and savvy, when they smell fake, they are naturally going to withdraw and repel. Its an instinct, and actually a good one. You owe it to your kids to be just who you are. Don't sweat it, they will love you faults and all, as long as you own it. After all, we never stop learning, and as long as there is something left to learn there are mistakes to make in the process. Own them. Confess them. Say "ok kid, I goofed, and guess what, you will too,..but we are learning something and that is what matters".
Trying to be June Cleaver, when in your heart you're more like Roseanne is just a pursuit in futility. Be dorky, make corny jokes that make their eyes roll, blast music in your Mustang that is from the 80's. Just know that it won't be cool to them, but so what? You are at least being real, and that matters more than anything else...and believe it or not,..if you did a good job with your kid, they will come around...you'll get your kudos when they reach their mid twenties. Yep, they will change in how they see you. You will suddenly be the go to for advice, help and your opinion will matter. Hold fast, this is a fleeting moment though..because beyond this point you will slide into the third base of life which is the "old" parent. Yep, quick as a flash you will go from being the sage, still somewhat young parent, to the older, needs advice from your kids stage. Yikes, life is a circle..somehow we all end up like we started out. Bald, poor eyesight, toothless, blunt bodied, eating soft and gentle on the stomach food, and a diaper...ah well..I guess being "cool" is the least of our worries. Love long, love strong, and laugh much..
Guess you've got to wait until they grow up and finally appreciate everything you did for them. . . then you'll be as cool as you'll ever get in their eyes. (Particularly true when they have kids of their own, I think.)
ReplyDeleteLOL, very true, I guess I have a unique perspective in the fact that I already have one grown child and two still living at home, 12 and 15.
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